you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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