U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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