I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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