I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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