The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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