I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
