if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
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tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
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Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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