remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
