I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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