Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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