I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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