also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
