I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
