New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize