i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
