She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
