I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize