Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
