I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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