i need an iv and a liver transplant
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
