Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
