I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
