I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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