Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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