Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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