Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She's the barista slut.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
