I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
