I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
