I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
