Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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