I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
