How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
