The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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