Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
