Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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