We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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