Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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