woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
