I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
