I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
