I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
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You know, be my cock's hype man.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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