id be glad to
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
