I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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