You're completely useless in the revolution.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
