We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
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that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
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I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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