think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
