is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
