end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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