today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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