What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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