just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
