and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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