You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
