I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
