he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
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I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
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He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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