I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
