I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
