you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
