just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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