Less talking, more tequila
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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