fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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