my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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