this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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