im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He better not be in your backpack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Randomize