the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
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Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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